When It's Time to Re-focus

I got a text from my optometrist the other day, informing me it was time for my annual eye exam. So I shall book an appointment. Seeing properly is very important to me.

Seeing things properly in my mind is also important to me. But in the same way that a room gets cluttered from accumulated use, sometimes my mind does too. Conflicting emotions get tangled with a non-stop conveyor belt of thoughts. It can be a real mess in there. If I were a computer, my eyes would flash red and wisps of smoke would spiral from my ears. Then I would crash. When I'm like this, I accomplish very little, and I feel no satisfaction from the tasks I do get done.

That's when I have to stop everything and clean house. Not literally, of course. Oh ... wait a second ... On second thought, yes, literally. I actually scrubbed down the kitchen while I organized my mind recently.

First item on the agenda was to restore balance to my emotions. I'm generally a pretty even-keeled person. So what was making me feel sluggish and out of sorts? When I stopped to think about it, I realized there were a few things.

1. World Events -- the whole world is a mess on so many levels these days. And that orange-haired donkey to the south is no longer content with ruining his own country. Now he wants to expand his efforts to include Canada. (Smoke in ears gets replaced by steam.)

2. Artificial Intelligence -- my blood boils every time I think about it, and it is almost impossible to block it out. AI is invading every aspect of technology at lightning speed. The moral issues alone are mind-boggling. I find I don't trust anything I see, hear, or read anymore. Think about it. That is a very sad commentary. The machines are now training the machines. How long can it be before the machines are in charge of the people?

3. Social Media -- in the past few years, social media has become the stage for airing dirty laundry. Invisible individuals spew vitriol at strangers from the anonymity of their phones and computers, and AI infects posts. Is the art that people put up made by people or AI programs? Did Julie Andrews really sing a parody of My Favourite Things or was that story fabricated? Did Connor McDavid actually say those awful things about his teammates or was that someone using AI to mislead the public? Social media used to be for sharing news, events, and happy memes with friends. Now you can't even find the posts from friends for the plethora of ads which are selected especially for each person, based on algorithms that track every move we make and attempt to control our lives accordingly. Big Brother really is watching.

All of this piles up to attack my peace of mind. So what can I do about it? Firstly I can minimize my exposure to what's happening in the world. I know that might make me seem like an ostrich burying its head in the sand, but it's what I need to do to survive. My blood pressure cannot withstand the constant barrage of horror that is the news. Much of it is sensationalized and much of it I can't do anything about anyway, though I am now reading all labels and trying to buy Canadian whenever possible. (Alas, no more Charmin tissue at my house.) My husband keeps me informed on the really big stuff and the issues close to home.

AI is harder to combat. It is being pushed at me through my phone and word-processing program, through my computer, and the Internet sites I visit. It's in the software I need but refuse to buy because of it. Updates (which often happen automatically) now contain AI even though it wasn't in the programs when I originally acquired them. Even this Wix platform hosting my website, is now riddled with AI features which I have to go out of my way to avoid. I have minimized as many of them as I can and I do my best to ignore the rest, though they follow my every move and constantly prod me to access them. I do not want to use artificial intelligence. I'm quite capable of being creative and solving problems with my own very real intelligence, thank you! You know the saying -- "Use it or lose it."

Lastly, I've pulled away from social media. I was only ever on Facebook and Instagram, but at the end of January I permanently closed both accounts and have no plans to migrate to a new platform. And look! I'm still functioning. I'm still communicating with other people -- often face-to-face! I'm still able to exchange emails and visit through the telephone, Facetime and Zoom. With each passing day, I think about social medial less often. Consequently, my frame of mind is much improved.

As I refocus my thoughts and activities, I find I'm getting more work done. I'm getting more reading done. I'm better able to concentrate on the tasks at hand and I'm less stressed. I no longer feel pulled in a dozen different directions at once. I'm sleeping better too.

illustration in progress

The art for Rosa's Braille Trail

(PJ Sarah Collins) is coming along nicely. Everyday I begin to understand the illustration process more clearly and I feel like I'm starting to think like an illustrator. I know that sounds goofy, but it's true. That doesn't mean I'm not a writer anymore, because I shall always be that. I sent Finding William off to another publisher yesterday, and Those Lawler Girls (my current work in progress) is simmering at the back of my mind until I can get back to it. That should be the end of March, when I send in the preliminary drawings to the editor and wait for feedback before I begin work on the final illustrations (which I'm sure will require revision as well.)

I've never been any good at multi-tasking; nor have I ever been able to tolerate clutter -- physically or mentally. (I have a feeling those two realities are related.) So refocusing my mind has lightened my load and allowed me to enjoy the things I'm doing. Now I just need to declutter my office/studio.

P.S. -- I have rejigged the settings of my blog so that readers no longer have to jump through hoops and take a course in rocket science in order to leave a comment. If you like my blog, please click on the heart, and if you want to say something about the blog, just scroll to the bottom of the page, fill in the comment box, and click 'publish'.

Thanks for reading.